For most of my life whilst growing up, I was a people pleaser. I liked to make others around me happy even if I suffered whilst doing it. I believe I did this to keep the peace and also to receive positive validation from others. Consequently boosting my self-worth, and helping me to feel better about myself. Everyone loves a bit of praise or the feel-good factor now and then, right? If I’m honest with you, at the time I didn’t understand what it was that I was doing and what a vicious cycle I’d got myself into. I was seeking external validation (positive opinions from others about myself) instead of understanding my intrinsic worth that I already had within me. This led me down an interesting path in my young 28 years of life and cost me much confidence at times when I needed it most. Today I’m going to share with you why other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter to you and are not a true reflection of who you are as a person.
You Know You Best
One question that comes up a lot when we talk about this topic is “What if I value their opinion or them as a person?”. The answer is… We all have many people in our lives that we look up to, respect greatly and are grateful they’re in our lives. However, as and when we go to them for advice or their opinion, it doesn’t mean it’s always the right advice or opinion for us. They offer their opinion to us based on what they would do if they were in our shoes at that time based on all of the information we’ve given them. I believe that none of us should take advice or soak up 100% of someone’s offered opinion if they too haven’t been through exactly what they’re giving their opinion or advice on. This would be like taking a dodgy stock tip off a mate down the pub and sticking your life savings into it and the stock crashing the very next day. It’s not a smart move and doesn’t normally end well for everyone involved.
Build Confidence, Not Dependence
If you actively seek positive validation from others to boost your self-worth, this will be short-lived and cost you dearly. This is exactly where I went wrong and I hope that you decide to make better, wiser decisions than I did in order to find your intrinsic worth. Relying on others to keep your happiness, fulfilment and self-worth afloat is a disaster waiting to happen. Why? Firstly other people don’t always have great things to say about you, regardless of how awesome you are! This already leaving you on a downhill slope to the pit of self-loathing because you’re putting such great emphisis on what others think of you. Relying on others to help you feel good about yourself is also a disempowering state to be in. You’re telling yourself you can only be happy and fulfilled in yourself when others say so. Read that again! How crazy does that sound now? Giving other people the key to your happiness and fulfilment is not going to be sustainable for anyone. Lastly, the only person who is responsible for your levels of confidence and how you truly feel about yourself is you. Leaving it up to other people will lead you down the rabbit hole to a very unfulfilling life.
Just Do It!
To finally put this topic to bed, if there is something you want to be, do or have in your life and you honestly can feel it in your body mind and soul, just got for it! People are always going to judge you reguardless of the outcome you have. You’ll notice to that those who judge you based on your actions and behaviours will always be doing less than you are. Why? Because those who’re doing more than you are too busy planning their next move focusing on what they want to achieve with their life and time.
Never change who you are as a person to suit others, you’re unique and deserve to be happy and fulfilled in whatever you choose to do. If your current inner circle doesn’t support who you’re becoming then don’t be afraid to loose a few friends and family members along the way to finding your new supportive tribe.
I hope you found value in this post and take action to become your next level self today! If you liked what you read today, why not check out the Five Star Thoughts Podcast HERE
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